Surprises: The good, the bad, and the ugly!

In my last entry I asked this question: "Life can only get better from here, right?"

Wrong....

AND right.

Wrong because two weeks ago I went down to Marysville for a job interview. I felt fine, and had a great time visiting with family up until Thursday night when I started bleeding uncontrollably and had to be rushed to the hospital where I had to have a second D&C. Apparently, the doctor who did my first one didn't get all the tissue out. My hcg (pregnancy hormone) level was at 7,000! At 6 weeks past miscarriage/surgery, my level should have been at 0. After surgery was over and I was recovering, a doctor came in to let us know that I had lost almost half of the blood in my body. My hemoglobin level would normally be 12 or 13. However, it was 6.9. My blood pressure was so low that I couldn't sit up without passing out. Because my hemoglobin level was so low, and my blood pressure was not improving, I had to be given a blood transfusion. Thankfully, I had no reaction to it and about 6 hours after receiving the first unit, I was able to not only sit up, but stand up and walk around without passing out. I was discharged the following day with a hemoglobin level of 8, which is still not great. I was prescribed iron tablets to help my body regenerate more blood. Each day I'm a little bit stronger and a little less tired.

Now, I'll tell you why life has gotten better since my last entry. It is better because I appreciate it more. Sure, I have been through A LOT in the last two months, but I'm still alive. God was definitely looking out for me because if I had hemorrhaged at home instead of at my parent's house, there is a good chance I would've been home alone. God only knows how that would've turned out. I also know that God has not given me more than I can handle. I know it might sound like too much to handle, but here's why it's not: If this wouldn't have happened, if my body had continued to retain the tissue, then I wouldn't have had a menstrual cycle for several weeks. I then would have taken a pregnancy test and thought I was pregnant again (because of the high hcg level) only to have this happen and think I was losing another baby, or go to the doctor for an ultrasound only to be told "Oh my mistake, it appears we didn't clean you out completely after your miscarriage... you're not pregnant after all." Either of those scenarios would have destroyed me. I just don't think I could have handled that, and I think God thought so too. So, I'm thankful. I'm thankful things happened the way they did, and I'm thankful for life.

I'm also thankful that I have such amazing friends and family who were in prayer for me through all of that. Thursday night I lost about half my blood and by Saturday I was up walking around and feeling good. I think I can owe my quick recovery to the prayers sent up for me.

Now, let me brag about my husband and my best friend, Cassidy. Derek and Cass planned the greatest surprise EVER without me even having a clue. Cassidy flew into Columbus (from Texas), where Derek picked her up. When I went out to lunch with my mom, there was Cassidy sitting at our table! It still brings tears to my eyes thinking about it. Such a wonderful surprise to see her sitting there! I don't know anyone else (aside from family) who would hop on a plane and fly to see me because she knew I had been through so much and wanted to be there for me. She is truly the best friend a person could have. She made my heart happy again and we had such a wonderful time while she was here. And I just adore my husband for pulling it all off so perfectly! Thank you to you both!!!

This week we hope to find out when and if we'll be making a move to Columbus. All fingers and toes are crossed that Derek will be offered a job and we can begin the moving process. I'll keep you updated!

This is where my words end and song lyrics begin. I heard this song today and it really hit home with me. So I want to share it with you! But if you're tired of reading (I don't blame you) then feel free to skip it! :)

What Faith Can Do
(Kutless)

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you're stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
That's what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

Our Lives: One year and three months later!

So apparently I'm not very good at blogging. Or life hasn't been very interesting over the past year. Either way, its been a year and three months since my last entry and so much has changed! Mostly, not in a good way.

To begin with, I'm no longer a nanny for those boys I mentioned in my last post. I was, up until about 2 weeks ago, but now I'm looking for another full-time nanny gig. The boys' mom decided she wanted to work part-time so my services were no longer needed. I am happy I was able to care for them for as long as I did and I already miss them. This brings us to another possible change in our lives... I am not looking for a job in Cleveland. I'm looking in the Columbus area. Derek interviewed for a position at a news station in Columbus last month and we are STILL holding out hope that he will be hired (waiting and waiting and waiting...). So, I decided I would go ahead and look for a job down there. As it turns out, I already have two interviews scheduled for next week!! Hallelujah! I hope and pray something good comes out of one of them. And I hope and pray harder that the news station will PLEASE give Derek a call SOON and let him know if he got the job or not. Six weeks is way too long to keep someone waiting. If I was still a nail biter I'd have nothing left.

I try to be optimistic, I really do... but 2010 has to be the worst year of my entire life, so far. Seriously, it sucks. I thought it would be great. In January, Derek and I got health insurance for the first time in 3 1/2 years of marriage. I have never been so excited to go to the dentist (no cavities!!). Included in our health insurance, we got maternity coverage. We decided we were done waiting to start a family and this was going to be the year (however, I was ready about 2 years ago!). So, we had to wait 3 months for the waiting period to be up for us to start trying. It was tough, but we waited. And SUPRISE!! We got pregnant the first month we tried! I couldn't believe it could be that easy! Derek and I couldn't stop smiling. It was easily the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. Day and night I prayed and thanked God for our little blessing. Derek and I decided to keep it a secret for a month, then we would tell our families. We just wanted a little time to celebrate by ourselves before telling the world.

About two weeks later, my mom was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. I was devastated. Not my mom... she can't have cancer...not when so many people have been praying for her, praying that the nodules on her thyroid wouldn't be cancer. But it was cancer and I spent days crying and praying. I never realized how strong of a woman she is until this happened. She constantly reassured the family that everything would be fine. It felt like everyone was more of a wreck than she was, though I know now that she was terrified. I was excited that I had good news to share with her, to make her world a little happier. Two weeks after her diagnosis (one month after we found out we were expecting) we shared our news with my parents and Derek's parents. They were SOOOO excited for us!! Tears were shed (happy ones this time), pictures were taken, hugs were given all around. We asked them to please keep it a secret until after our first doctor appointment the following week.

The morning of the appointment, I was beyond nervous. I was filled with a sense of dread and I began to cry. I told Derek and I was afraid something would be wrong. I was right. The doctor found no heart beat and after 3 ultrasounds, it was determined that our sweet baby had passed away at 8 weeks 1 day. I was suppose to be 10 weeks pregnant. Calling and telling my parents that they were not going to be grandparents after all was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. The doctor gave me pills to take over the weekend to help me miscarry since my body wasn't doing it on its own. The pills didn't work. So the following week I had a D&C to remove the baby. I walked into the hospital carrying a baby, and left empty. That has to be the worst feeling in the entire world. Its been almost 6 weeks since we found out, and my heart still hurts everyday.

Everything that has happened over the past month and 1/2 has really shaken my faith. I'm embarrassed to say that because I always thought my faith was pretty strong. But I prayed constantly for my mom's health and for the little baby growing inside me and God decided to deny my requests. So what is the point of praying if God is going to go ahead and do what He wants, anyway? I still continue to pray though, because I don't know what else to do. I just wish I knew why He ignored me.

Life can only get better from here, right? What I wanted the most was taken from me, my mom had to have surgery to remove the cancer (though, thankfully that went well and she is recovering nicely) and I'm unemployed. I'm really not sure I can take any more bad news. Some days I have enough trouble keeping my head above water as is. I pray daily for something good in our lives, and everyday I wait. Please Lord... soon!

I'm sorry that this has to be the most depressing blog entry ever written, but that's our lives lately. If you think its depressing to read, try living it. If you read this, please send up a prayer for us. A prayer that Derek will get an answer about his job opportunity, a prayer that my interviews will go well, a prayer that we'll have something to be happy about soon...

Thanks.

Its been a while...

I can hardly believe that its been nearly 3 months since I last blogged! I guess I've got some catching up to do...

I am finally employed! Praise God! I am a full-time nanny for two boys, ages 5 and 9. They are both very smart! They're also both at that stage where they are learning lots of words that are NOT okay to say and then say them constantly because they know they're not suppose to. It can be a little exhausting. I do love my job though and hope I can work for this family for several years!

This weekend, especially, has been an interesting one...
Let me begin by saying that shortly after we moved into this awful apartment we noticed something nasty in the corner of the dinning room. We thought perhaps our cat threw up. Anyway, I cleaned up whatever it was and forgot about it. Well, this past Thursday night I was setting the table for dinner and stepped on a wet spot on the carpet...no, a soaked spot on the carpet. I knew that neither Derek or I had spilled anything so we thought maybe it was coming up through the carpet from beneath so we decided to call maintenance on Friday. Then Derek says, "Oh no, that thing in the corner is back!" Yep, what we first believed to be the result of Reecie's upset stomach turned out to be something strange growing in our dining room...that's right...growing!! GROSS!! Maybe some kind of fungus or strange mold? We still have no idea. Well, after we called and informed the office of the nastiness in our apartment, they had maintenance knocking on our door within 3 minutes...literally! Their diagnoses is that we have a small leak in our dishwasher, and the neighbor right behind us coincidentally also has a small leak, which is the cause of the soaked carpet and the strange growth in the corner of the wall. Hmmm... So, I had to take all my crystal dishes out of the hutch, and the hutch had to be moved (not an easy task considering that its solid wood!) and the carpet in the corner of the dinning room has been ripped up! And it has been left ripped up all weekend so that the padding underneath can dry... The apartment smells musty and like mildew and everything is out of place until they can finish the job. They're suppose to come back tomorrow and decide if the carpet can be put back down. I'll be anxious to see if things are better when I get home from work tomorrow. They fixed the dishwasher by replacing the motor, but I have to say that it actually sounds worse than it did before it was fixed. In some small strange way I am hoping that fixing the dishwasher does not fix the wet carpet problem and it will end up being a mystery and we'll have to move out! I have already highlighted several houses for rent in the classifieds just in case! :)

So Friday didn't end up being very fun, or productive, seeing as Friday is my cleaning day and nothing got done. However, Saturday was amazing! It had been my plan since the beginning of last week to have a picnic on Saturday since the weather was suppose to be amazing (and it was!!). So Saturday afternoon Derek and I went to Olmsted Falls and had a picnic near Grand Pacific Junction in the nature walk area. I wish I could remember the name of the trail and park, but I guess it doesn't matter. Its absolutely beautiful! I have a feeling Derek and I will be spending many summer days there! Shortly after we sat down to eat a bride and groom who were either about to get married or had just been married walked over to us and asked to take their picture with us. Umm...random!?!? I have to say it was a first... I don't think very many newlyweds say to themselves, "Hmm, I think I would like two complete strangers enjoying a picnic in my wedding photos!" It was strange to say the least...then again, a few minutes later we saw them pick up a big stick and have their picture taken with that too. I guess they're just "that" kind of couple!

Anyway, Grand Pacific Junction is possibly my new favorite place! Here is their website if you care to take a peak:

http://grandpacificjunction.com/index.shtml

After our picnic we took a walk over to Falls Ice Cream, which is part of the Junction. They have SUPERMAN ICE CREAM!!! Its the ice cream of my childhood! So of course I had to have 2 scoops, which unfortunately I couldn't finish because their scoops are huge! After eating too much ice cream, we did just a little more walking and then left for home.

After watching the Indians DESTROY the Stinkees, I mean the Yankees (22-4!!), Derek and I rearranged the bedroom. Its a nice to change things up once in a while. Later in the evening we went to the drive-in movie theater!! It was my first time ever going and I loved it! We saw a double feature: 17 Again and He's Just Not That Into You. The first movie... amazing, I loved it! The second movie...sucked, I hated it! He's Just Not That Into You should be listed in the top ten worst movies of all time. Don't watch it unless you want to leave feeling completely hopeless. If you want to see a good movie, watch Fireproof!! Anyway, overall my drive-in movie experience was awesome! I can't wait to go back!

Perhaps I shouldn't wait so long to blog next time because this has become a small book. I think I'll go work on a puzzle for a while...sounds nice and relaxing! Have a great week!

God Bless!

Cleveland

Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in Arkansas anymore...

Today, after a job interview I had in Cleveland, Derek and I drove around downtown. Its been such a long time since I've been downtown in a major city! I felt like a little kid discovering Chuck E. Cheese for the first time. There are moving statues and special street lights for buses, major sport arenas, a special area dedicated to theatre, hugemongus hotels and skyscrapers, and Lake Erie...and very scary traffic! I saw the Quicken Loans arena, Progressive Field and the Brown's stadium all in one day...all in one hour! I'm a little overwhelmed.

Anyway, the job interview went very well, I think. I should know something by the middle of next week, Lord willing!

I have recently decided that Derek and I will not be producing any children until science finds a way to keep them from turning into teenagers. My least favorite people (generally) are high-schoolers, and for a good reason...
Yesterday at the library, all the computers were in use so I reserved the computer next to Derek, which was currently being used by...you guessed it...a teenager. Well, the computer, instead of allowing him 10 extra minutes, as it will usually do, told him he would be logged off in 5 minutes (because I was waiting on it). Well, this really pissed him off because he was in the middle of a really important video game, SO when he was logged off after 5 minutes, he decided to shut the computer off...knowing full well that I was standing there waiting on it. Lovely. The library was closing in 30 minutes and I had a list of things to do on the internet, and now I had to fetch a librarian to fix it for me. Stupid punk kid. When the librarian asked him why he did it his response was "because she reserved it". Umm...and that's a crime?? He's literally at the library everyday, playing that stupid video game while other people actually need the computer for important things... like blogging about stupid kids at the library! Soon I will never have to reserve a computer again because we'll have internet at home. I can hardly wait.

You know those kiosks in the middle of the aisles in malls? They often sell sun glasses or t-shirts... Well, the other day we were in the mall searching for a hair salon and we passed a kiosk selling manicure/pedicure stuff. The man gave us a free sample of lotion and somehow brainwashed us into listening to his sales pitch. He wanted us to buy a kit that had a buffer that makes your nails really shiny and pretty, a nail filer, cuticle oil and lotion for $70! He said that it was cheaper than going to the nail salon. I'm sorry, but no... I do not and have not and will not EVER spend $70 to get my nails done. So, when we didn't bite, he said he would give us two kits and an extra bottle of lotion for the $70. I'm sorry, but that is still a lot of money to spend on nails, so I said no. He then said he would sell us one kit for 50% off...making it like $34. When we still refused, he knocked it down to $29.99...so we bought one. I had fully intended to walk away and leave him heart-broken and disappointed, but instead I walked away with a nail kit that cost $40 less than when I originally walked up to the kiosk. The funny part is that when I got home I felt bad because I was afraid I had ripped him off. I got over it quickly though because I believe I got a good deal...plus it has a life-time warranty! Now I look at it as a win/win situation. :)

Remember how I mentioned that we were looking for a hair salon?? Turns out it was too expensive, so we went elsewhere and I got three inches cut off my hair. I'm having a hard time adjusting to the shortness.

Well, the library is about to close so I have no choice but to stop here. Have a great weekend!

-Sarah

Let's try this again... Redo!

I decided to delete the last post because it was ridiculous. I was having a really rough, emotional day and decided to have a pity party. I don't want to look back and read that someday, so I got rid of it!

Derek and I believe we have found a church home. We visited the Broadview Road Church of Christ in Parma on Sunday and loved it. The preacher took us out to lunch with two other couples and we had a great time! We definitely look forward to going back next Sunday!

In other news...still no job. This economy SUCKS! No one seems to be hiring. In fact, a lot of places have been saying that they're cutting jobs altogether. I had one interview a week ago and hope to have another one soon. I REALLY hope to hear something this week! I've been praying for it every night. I know God will come through for me; I just hope its sooner rather than later! I know He helps those who help themselves... maybe I need to try harder?? If you are reading this, please say a prayer for me that I might find a job soon! Thanks! :)

I may not love our new apartment just yet, but I do love watching Reecie look out the window! She's so funny when she's watching the birds. We have a tree right outside our bedroom window and yesterday she sat there for several hours charming the birds and pawing at the glass. Too cute!

Well, we're expecting more snow...sigh. I think the lack of snow over the past four years has been made up for already. I really don't care to get another 8-11 inches by tomorrow night! Oh well... I just hope the roads aren't too bad for Derek in the morning. :(

I really hope we get internet at home soon. Having to go to the library to use the internet isn't that bad, but I'd much rather be at home. Someone around me has awful onion breath! Yuck!

Well, I guess I'll wrap this up. I hope the next time that I post I'll be able to announce that I have a job! Until then, God bless!

-Sarah

Stress!

This past Monday I looked at my planner and noticed that I only had a couple things to do for the next few weeks. By Tuesday I had at least one "to-do" written in for every day until graduation. I haven't realized until recently that I have a TON of major projects that are due the second week of December...most of which I haven't even given any thought to. So now I'm freaking out wondering how I'm going to get everything done. Sometimes its NOT good to take things one day at a time... sometimes it IS good to look a little into the future. On top of trying to work on all these projects, I need to find a career. I have got to get a job as soon as possible when we get to Ohio so I need to start looking now. I wish I could clone myself right now in order to get everything done!

In other news, as of now we have an apartment to move in to when we move. I say "as of now" because when we sign the lease we'll owe about $1300, and as of now we're not entirely sure where that money is going to come from. We're in the process of figuring it out, but that's just another stress piled on to everything else. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled...no THRILLED...that an apartment became available for us because it was looking like one might not. I'm just really worried about the money aspect. Too bad Arkansas doesn't have a lottery...

I hope that our future neighbors are not nearly as loud as the ones we have right now. It sounds like they're watching a war movie or something with lots of bombs.

I know that somehow I will find the time and energy to get everything done. I know that somehow the money for the apartment will get paid. I just need to do what I can and let God take care of the rest.

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Matthew 6:27

Time

I can hardly believe this week is midterms already! My last semester of college is halfway over! I guess I should be a little sad, but I'm not. I can't wait for the semester to be over, to walk across the Benson stage, finish loading the moving truck and be on my way back to the glorious state of Ohio. I have six boxes packed already! :) We have our moving truck completely paid for, thanks to my wonderful aunt who is paying half! We have a deposit down on our new apartment in Ohio and are on the waiting list - hoping one opens up in late November! All of my wonderful family will be here in just a little over two months - my mom, dad and brother, aunt, uncle and cousin, grandma, grandpa, and my amazing in-laws will all be here! I'm really looking forward to it!

I guess this has all become more of a reality since I was just measured for my cap and gown and I have my graduation announcements sitting on the kitchen counter. Its not that I haven't enjoyed college because, for the most part, I have (except for most of my freshman year). What it boils down to is that I am SO ready to be back in the state I love, close to the family I love. I'm ready to start the next chapter of my life... one that doesn't involve studying for tests and working on projects the night before they're due (oops!). As a side note, I must say that my husband is amazing... he is sacrificing a night of relaxation after a long day at work to help me work on my project that's due tomorrow. He's so wonderful (and super creative)!

The only thing I feel I'm lacking right now is friends. Life is so busy that Derek and I haven't had time to spend with people we care about it and it makes us sad, especially considering that we may not see them for a long time after the semester ends. Sigh.

Well, I guess I should get back to that project now...