Our Lives: One year and three months later!

So apparently I'm not very good at blogging. Or life hasn't been very interesting over the past year. Either way, its been a year and three months since my last entry and so much has changed! Mostly, not in a good way.

To begin with, I'm no longer a nanny for those boys I mentioned in my last post. I was, up until about 2 weeks ago, but now I'm looking for another full-time nanny gig. The boys' mom decided she wanted to work part-time so my services were no longer needed. I am happy I was able to care for them for as long as I did and I already miss them. This brings us to another possible change in our lives... I am not looking for a job in Cleveland. I'm looking in the Columbus area. Derek interviewed for a position at a news station in Columbus last month and we are STILL holding out hope that he will be hired (waiting and waiting and waiting...). So, I decided I would go ahead and look for a job down there. As it turns out, I already have two interviews scheduled for next week!! Hallelujah! I hope and pray something good comes out of one of them. And I hope and pray harder that the news station will PLEASE give Derek a call SOON and let him know if he got the job or not. Six weeks is way too long to keep someone waiting. If I was still a nail biter I'd have nothing left.

I try to be optimistic, I really do... but 2010 has to be the worst year of my entire life, so far. Seriously, it sucks. I thought it would be great. In January, Derek and I got health insurance for the first time in 3 1/2 years of marriage. I have never been so excited to go to the dentist (no cavities!!). Included in our health insurance, we got maternity coverage. We decided we were done waiting to start a family and this was going to be the year (however, I was ready about 2 years ago!). So, we had to wait 3 months for the waiting period to be up for us to start trying. It was tough, but we waited. And SUPRISE!! We got pregnant the first month we tried! I couldn't believe it could be that easy! Derek and I couldn't stop smiling. It was easily the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. Day and night I prayed and thanked God for our little blessing. Derek and I decided to keep it a secret for a month, then we would tell our families. We just wanted a little time to celebrate by ourselves before telling the world.

About two weeks later, my mom was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. I was devastated. Not my mom... she can't have cancer...not when so many people have been praying for her, praying that the nodules on her thyroid wouldn't be cancer. But it was cancer and I spent days crying and praying. I never realized how strong of a woman she is until this happened. She constantly reassured the family that everything would be fine. It felt like everyone was more of a wreck than she was, though I know now that she was terrified. I was excited that I had good news to share with her, to make her world a little happier. Two weeks after her diagnosis (one month after we found out we were expecting) we shared our news with my parents and Derek's parents. They were SOOOO excited for us!! Tears were shed (happy ones this time), pictures were taken, hugs were given all around. We asked them to please keep it a secret until after our first doctor appointment the following week.

The morning of the appointment, I was beyond nervous. I was filled with a sense of dread and I began to cry. I told Derek and I was afraid something would be wrong. I was right. The doctor found no heart beat and after 3 ultrasounds, it was determined that our sweet baby had passed away at 8 weeks 1 day. I was suppose to be 10 weeks pregnant. Calling and telling my parents that they were not going to be grandparents after all was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. The doctor gave me pills to take over the weekend to help me miscarry since my body wasn't doing it on its own. The pills didn't work. So the following week I had a D&C to remove the baby. I walked into the hospital carrying a baby, and left empty. That has to be the worst feeling in the entire world. Its been almost 6 weeks since we found out, and my heart still hurts everyday.

Everything that has happened over the past month and 1/2 has really shaken my faith. I'm embarrassed to say that because I always thought my faith was pretty strong. But I prayed constantly for my mom's health and for the little baby growing inside me and God decided to deny my requests. So what is the point of praying if God is going to go ahead and do what He wants, anyway? I still continue to pray though, because I don't know what else to do. I just wish I knew why He ignored me.

Life can only get better from here, right? What I wanted the most was taken from me, my mom had to have surgery to remove the cancer (though, thankfully that went well and she is recovering nicely) and I'm unemployed. I'm really not sure I can take any more bad news. Some days I have enough trouble keeping my head above water as is. I pray daily for something good in our lives, and everyday I wait. Please Lord... soon!

I'm sorry that this has to be the most depressing blog entry ever written, but that's our lives lately. If you think its depressing to read, try living it. If you read this, please send up a prayer for us. A prayer that Derek will get an answer about his job opportunity, a prayer that my interviews will go well, a prayer that we'll have something to be happy about soon...

Thanks.